What to listen to if you are infected with popular disease 'COVID-19'

 Like most people on this planet, I recently became infected with smash hit disease 'COVID-19.' In between slurping on tasteless cups of soup and shivering, I found that I had a lot of time in prison isolation to listen to some fun and exciting new things. So naturally, I played the same three Steve Hauschildt albums on repeat.

However! That doesn't make for a good blog post! And this ol' thing has not been updated since... 2018?! Time to get to work.

Cosmic Foxhole presents... 

~What to listen to if you are infected with popular disease 'COVID-19'~

1. In Amber by Hercules and Love Affair

You might remember Hercules and Love Affair from their catchy collaboration with Anohni back in the day, singing exuberant disco songs about... turning blind? Well, forget that. Anohni is still there, but they're full of goth rage now. There are lots of songs about being disappointed with religious institutions, and why not have some melancholic f-slur, as a treat. Makes sense that this album is the perfect soundtrack for that little window of time where you gasp for air between coughing. YOLO never sounded scarier!

2. Aerial by Kate Bush

So apparently Ms. KB is 'having a moment' thanks to her (admittedly excellent) song 'Running Up That Hill' being featured in Stranger Things. But, target audience, you have COVID-19! And after struggling through one SEVENTY MINUTE EPISODE, you decided that maybe you should stick to the sustainable eleven minutes of wholesome queer cartoon Steven Universe. Then you can retire to bed for your sixtieth nap of the day, awash with the pastel watercolour sounds of Kate Bush's 2005 gem 'Aerial-' a true daydream of an album. 

Favourite moments here are 'Pi,' where she sings the digits of pi, and 'Mrs. Bartolozzi,' where she sings about doing laundry. ... I promise this is a real and good album and not a joke.

3. Misc. songs by Sam Amidon

It's day 5 of your infection and you thought you were feeling better on day 4 but now you feel worse. You struggle to remember what day of the week it is. You struggle to remember the names of your primary schoolmates' dads, and then you wonder why you're even thinking about that. You have a fever dream where Hayden Christensen tells you that he invented popcorn at his same-sex marriage. You start to wonder whether it's going to be this wild next time you catch covid, and then spiral into despair when you realise there will definitely be a next time and this disease is never going away and the world is ruined forever. Anyway, Sam Amidon's gentle Kermit voice is a great end of days soundtrack!

The end. Hopefully it won't take a plague to get me to write here again? p.s. those three Steve Hauschildt albums are REALLY GOOD: Check out Strands, Nonlin and Where All Is Fled ✌

Yours infected,

Peep Your Sleep

If you ask a normal what they spend most of their time doing, they'll probably say something like "work" or "moving, nourishing, believing," but I'm here to tell you that really it is SLEEPING. I'm a regular snoozin' boyle. In the words of wolfpupy, "I hit the hay all day." But what does this have to do with the music-centric focus of this fantastic blog?

Because I live in the political and geographical hellscape that is Australia, I have gotten used to sleeping with a fan on over the summer season. Unfortunately, this means that now that it is starting to cool down a bit, I find it hard to snooze without that breezy white noise in the background. Silence is scary.

As a result, I present to you- my favourite things to play from tiny phone speakers at a volume of 1 as when you're trying to snooze because it is too cold to turn on your shitty Big W fan!:

Selected Ambient Works Vol. 2 by Aphex Twin
Duh. Pros are that it is very long, so it might outlast your insomnia if you are having one of those nights where you keep thinking about the things you need to do at work tomorrow. Cons are that while parts of it are v beautiful, some are downright eerie and may cause you to think there is an invisible demon standing over you RIGHT NOW. 7 zzzzzzz's out of 10

actual photo of the musician responsible

Kid A by Radiohead

An oldie but a goodie. Pros are that it is relatively gentle to begin with so will work well if you are quick to snooze. Cons- there are a few cacophonous bits (The National Anthem, Idiotheque) that might rouse you, personal con for me is that my partner can't stand it and has terrible nightmares if I put it on. YMMV! 3 zzz's out of 10

The Fall Into Time by Oneohtrix Point Never

I have this one permanently available offline in my spotify account because it's my go-to drowsing music for travel. Combine with some noise-cancelling headphones for a v surreal transit experience. Possibly just one of my straight-up fave ambient albums ever, v. soothing and vaguely sci-fi without being eerie or downbeat. No cons try it yourself tonight! 10 zzzzzzzzzz's out of 10!

i also love this album cover

Cover the Windows and the Walls By Grouper
Basically witch music- sad lady with reverb turned to six million and ten. If you are easily spooked probs won't work for you as a snoozelisten. This is my personal favourite Grouper album though and it works well for me! It has probably fallen out of rotation in my sleep listening because of the strong efforts of Oneohtrix and Max Richter though. 6 zzzzzz's out of 10.

Sleep by Max Richter
Surprise- this album is called sleep and it is good to sleep to. Slightly more vocal/choral?-based than the others in this list, so if you're feeling a bit plagal hit this one for your sleep cycle. It goes for eight hours, which is about the amount of time you're meant to sleep, right? I don't know what much more I can say on this one. You'll need to make sure your phone is charging so it doesn't drain your battery overnight!, and good luck if you're in a place where you don't have wifi and need to stream it. Also a fun surprise if you can catch the end of it in the morning when you wake up. 8 zzzzzzzz's out of 10.

Happy snoozing!

Good Things You Might Not Have Listened To

Hey, it's me, your favourite music author since Pitchfork got bought by Conde Nast! Just remember, I'm still a garbage writer and I'm not above publishing a shitty listicle.

And that's what I've done here- I'm generously providing a brief write-up of three things that are good that I suspect you may not have heard of! Please know that this is coming from a "nobody has ever talked about this music to me" place, not a "I'm a snob who knows all these cool underground musicians" place. Even tho I am and I do*
*or did, when I was younger and didn't spend 90% of my spare time being abused by adult men in Overwatch

Presenting, THREE GOOD THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE LISTENED TO:

1. HOLY GHOST!

In the mid naughties this whole dance-punk thing was taking off, due in part largely to the success of The Rapture and their six hundred billion contemporaries. However, that's also when skinny jeans were just coming back in to fashion and people dyed their hair black and were too cool to dance in public? Is that trend dead yet? ANYWAY It's a shame/blessing that Holy Ghost!'s first album came after that wave- in 2011. Much like The Rapture by that point, they threw off the punky shrieking and went in for straight-up New Order style pop. But, it's all really good. Their self-titled debut is especially good- stand out tracks include "Jam for Jerry", "Do it Again" and "It's Not Over."

Here's a good taster, the song "Wait and See", dive on in:

2. REBECCA FERGUSON

If you are from the UK this may be a surprise inclusion because I think she was a runner-up on X Factor or something over there so maybe she's not that unknown? I don't know and I don't care- her first album Heaven is really, really good. She's a "soul" pop singer in the vein of Adele, so if you're interesting in giving your life a Bridget Jones rom-com style soundtrack, get on to it. Here's the anthemic album closer, "You're Too Good To Lose:"

3. JUNIOR BOYS, sort of

Okay, most people know the Junior Boys because of their ripper album "So This is Goodbye." But, that came out FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. They released an album in 2016 called Big Black Coat which is so grouse it hurts. It's pretty moody so they've obviously embraced Canadian #gothlife- for egg the song "Over It" includes the happy phrase "it's better if you have a single bed." I just really love that futuristic "cyberpunk anime" synth sound that they've perfected over the years. Listen to Junior Boys BIG BLACK COAT go go go the outro in this song "C'mon Baby" is THE BEST

The end see you in another ___ months!

What is 2016? Baby, Don't Hurt Me

Well, here we are in December. There are a lot of memes about what an awful year it's been across the globe, but I personally haven't had The Worst Year Of My Life. I mean, it was pretty terrible that David Bowie surprise-died and I'm still not prepared to write anything about Blackstar but that's why the Ancient Romans invented wine*

it really hasn't been, tho

What music even came out in 2016? It's been one of the least exciting years for music that I can recall. Thanks to streaming services and some life stability in my increasingly advanced age (previously discussed here) it's hard to tell what was actually released when. How embarassing, For It Is True!: I had to do some careful and considered research on popular internet website "wikipedia" to assemble my completely unecessary best of 2016 write-up.

Firstly,

This Year's Let-Downs

~Where My Own Huge Expectations Are Not Met, But That's The Artists' Fault~

The Life of Pablo by Kanye West: Look, I know this album is still good, and probably quite popular, but I was hoping for him to go further down the path he stomped down in Yeezus. Instead he sort of jumped in to the flowerbed and made a sub-par sequel to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Hopefully a) Kanye is OK and b) Trump's America pushes him in to the weird again.

this picture of junk is more exciting than M83's album

Junk by M83: The first couple of songs are fantastic, which makes the subsequent beige soundblob all the more disappointing.

(I'd like to point out that at this point I stopped typing to casually floss my teeth. I told you, I'm turning into a double-J-listening responsible adult.)

The Bride by Bat for Lashes: I'm still pro Natasha Khan, but whichever record label executive indulged her in this concept album with the thinnest premise in the world made a horrible mistake. Track one, "Oh! A bride is mega excited to get married yay!" Track two, "Oh no, groom has horrible and prophetic dream of his own death!" Tracks three to twelve, bride sooks because groom is dead. That's the whole album. There's even a spoken word piece of very questionable quality.

Albums That Were Good But Not Great

actual lyrics from "Bird Song" by M.I.A.

~These may have lasted like, a month in my car~

AIM by M.I.A.: The video for "Borders" was fantastic and lifted my expectations for the album to drop. "Finally" is one of the greatest songs she has even done, but, "Bird Song" is undeniably the worst.

Boy King by Wild Beasts: I actually really enjoyed this album! Big Cat, Alpha Female and Get My Bang are all great sing-alongs. I just wished they did more of their dual-vocalist tornadoes as seen on the prior three albums.

Wildflower by The Avalanches: For me, this felt too much like a revolving door circus of guest artists than a good, solid album from some genuine o.g. gamechangers. Pleasant listening, but how could they ever follow up Since I Left You, really?

A Small Selection Of Stand-out Tracks 

~Where I either didn't listen to the album or didn't care for it~

• All Night by Chance the Rapper, because I don't have time for gospel nonsense
• Hold Up, Sorry and Formation by Beyonce. I might be the only person in the world that doesn't care for Don't Hurt Yourself, and the ballads on her self-titled are better than the ones that appeared here.
• FloriDada by Animal Collective. Everyone gave up on them after Centipede Hz (quite rightly,) but this song is great.

Home Runs

~Really Great Albums if I'm Completely Hair-nest~

HOPELESSNESS by Anohni. I got to see her perform this live at the Sydney Opera House, and it was fantastic. A completely terrifying and cynical look at .,;xmodern.societyx;,. Fully endorsed by renowned supermodel Naomi Campbell (see below). Best moments are "4 Degrees," "Watch Me," "Crisis," "Drone Bomb Me." Give it a listen, ya mug.

Hills End by DMA's. I already wrote about this album here. Unlike slurring rubbish a la The Smith Street Band or Camp Cope, these guys help me keep faith in Australian rock music. (Though I will admit I'm keen on a sneaky Violent Soho song here and there, in the interest of being a massive hypocrite)

The Colour in Anything by James Blake. This took me a while to get in to. It's a pretty long album, but with repeat listens it all reveals itself as quite varied and detailed. Got that good gloomy rainy night mood, and "Timeless" employs the best use of caralarm.wav I've ever heard. I'd also like to mention that James Blake and Kanye West songs are the only times it's appropriate to bring out the perpetually formless Bon Iver.

Atrocity Exhibition by Danny Brown. This is some bonkers stuff. Demonic swamp rap with the most nasal voice since Brian Molko. When I told one of my teenage students I loved Danny Brown's album, he Spoke For The Masses and said, "I think I just can't stand his voice, sir." #YourMileageMayVary- dance in the water and not get wet.

My Favourite Album of 2016: Blond by Frank Ocean

~I can't believe anyone bothers to read all this~

I really stewed for a while about what my #AOTY was going to be. But based on play count and staying power alone, it has to be Blond.

I have to say, this album makes a terrible first impression. "Nikes" floats in with pitch-shifted vocals and without much to prove. It hangs around for a long five minutes without really going anywhere. The next track, "Ivy," pops in and walks through the speakers with no percussion whatsoever. By the time we hit the equally ambling "Pink + White," it's clear that Frank isn't in a hurry. I really didn't like it at first, I gotta say.

It wasn't until I perservered and gave it a few listens that the album really opened up to me. The way "Self Control" evolves from fireside crooning to ethereal hymn should be enough to make Justin Vernon give up and look for a job as a plumber,  and "Nights" perfectly captures somehow both a sense of apathy and stressed-out paranoia. Plus, unlike some other contemporaries, Frank can earnestly deliver lines like "did you call me from a seance, you are from my past life" without them sounding like terrible puns. At one point Andre 3000 delivers arguably the best verse of the year on "Solo (Reprise)."

It's not a perfect album- there are some terrible skits, but none of them are too long, and the songs more than make up for it. There's a real sense of mythology to uncover in the stories told on here, too. Much was made of Frank's coming out circa Channel Orange, and I do have to wonder if the title "Blond" was chosen due to it being one of the few words in english that desperately clings to gender.

Overall, Blond is a pastel-coloured daydream that's played through many of my Saturday afternoons this year. If you haven't given it a go, I heartily recommend.

Now, bring on 2017!

*I fact-checked this, but the history of wine is far too confusing for me to correct my outrageous and false claim

Views (aka CDs) from the Six (aka my Car)

I was sipping on Schweppes Natural Peach Infused Mineral Water No Sugar (which I'm sure has been invented solely for people with mild hangovers) when I decided to dive back into The Cosmic Foxhole for my dearest readers. How are you all? That's great whatever.

Here are some CDs I have been spinning in my car, Gorgonzola. I've been playing CDs in my car because I've reached the age and/or mindset where popular youth radio station Triple J makes me furious. "Aussie hip hop!?" I yell at the radio. "Why are they talking so much shit? Just play a damn song!" I'm pretty sure the other day I even said, out loud, "Why can't these people go to a music festival and just be sober?" My youth is over. RIP.

1. Hills End by DMA's

This album is pretty good! I bought it on a whim after enjoying opening track "Timeless." If I was going to look at this picture of the band without knowing what they sound like, I would assume they play bad bogan garage rock or Aussie Hip-Hop, BUT,  the genre is actually jangly Australia-does-britpop, and
it's done well. When I play it while I'm wearing a flannel shirt and sunglasses I pretend I'm the protagonist of a cool young adult coming of age film, which is basically my life anyway.

8 Bildungsromans out of 10


2. Nonagon Infinity by King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard
I'm certain these guys have been smoking too many drug cigarettes, and not only because they decided to call their band "King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard." This album could be the soundtrack to a Power Rangers boss battle set in the 1970s. Despite being chopped up in to 9 tracks, it's more or less one long "suite" that is meant to be looped- the end of the last song lines up perfectly with the beginning of the first song. It's a fun listen! Surprise harmonica solos! Lifestyles of the Riffs and Famous! Never loud enough! Something something Black Sabbath! And also, what the shit:

7 Terrible Band Names out of 10


3. Endtroducing... by DJ Shadow
Because of the aforementioned death of my youth, I have been listening to digital radio station "Double J" aka "Old Person Triple J" inside of my house. Every week they feature a "classic album" from the past, because old people like me hate new things. Recently, they featured DJ Shadow's 1996 album Endtroducing..., so I put my copy in the car to revisit it there. For those of you that don't know of it, Endtroducing is reportedly one of the earliest albums that was made from samples. Unlike the more famous (?) Avalanches effort from 2001, it's a bit dark and moody, and more about the percussion than melodies.


I was kind of surprised to find that Endtroducing wasn't as engaging as I recall it being. The "slow build to a double-time-section" song format seems dated now, the interludes are jarring and awkward, and most of it just kind of meanders. Great mood music, but not the fantastic piece of history I remember it being.

5 Prodigy Breakbeats out of 10

Bag Hurl RiRi

I don't really have a Rihanna story, and I'm still unsure if she's actually Good. I just reallyreally seem to enjoy a lot more of her discography than a normal person should. And now she's back in black for he eighth(!) album, "ANTI," looking like an extra from The Matrix. We can tell she's being a Serious Artist for this one because of the A3 "poem" included in the packaging, as well as all the sketchy "polaroids" of Rihanna staring at a wall with blindfolds on. Seriously, what is she trying to be???

Halfway through the very first track, the beat stops and she proclaims "Let me cover your shit in glitter, I can make it gold." It seems like pretty standard Rihanna fare, all haughts and crosses, but she dials up that accent and throws in some 90s trip hop beats and it almost sounds like a secret track on Massive Attack's Protection. I was pretty sold on the album at this point y'guys, even if it is just glitter-covered excrement.

What follows is arguably the first Rihanna album that you'd be better off listening to on your headphones rather than blasting through the living room while you fold your laundry. The songs are insular and domestic and not really "for the clubz." There is an inexplicable and pretty faithful Tame Impala cover and not one but three romantic/pornographic slow jams at the end. I'm a pretty big fan of the lead single 'Work," where she turns the title into a weird mantra that just devolves into gibberish.  Underneath it is a beat that never quite takes off- the tension of it works pretty well, I think. At one point Drake shows up, but he actually doesn't add a lot here. RIP Drake guest spots. Maybe now I can write a blog post without having to mention Drake.

The only real clunker is "Woo," a wannabe Portishead/Weeknd noise thing that goes nowhere and does nothing interesting. Does it also have the worst song title in pop history? Yes. And that's including "Laffy Taffy" by D4L. She also insists on employing those cheesy electric guitar wails, here heard in "Kiss It Better" and in the past all over "Rated R."

I gotta say, I find that Rihanna is an interesting lady. There's definitely a "no fucks given" vibe, but who can really tell how foreals it is? I feel like I want to hear her songs and laugh at all her throw-a-phone-in-the-air-off-a-yacht-to-shoot-it-out-of-the-sky personas, but if I go too far down the path of knowing Who She Really Is it will ruin everything. When Miranda July interviewed her, the most interesting story came out of her conversations with the driver there and back. Maybe that's why the album is called Anti- to care about what she has to say is kind of missing the point.

Standout tracks: Consideration, Work, Desperado, Yeah I Said It

ANTI BY RIHANNA GETS 7.5 CHOKERS OUT OF 10

On Choosing Our Form- How Is It Chosen?

Like every human in the universe*, I too love Drake's "Hotline Bling." But my gosh! It's a different world since I last wrote about Drizzy!
There's a new prime minister! Rihanna is finally dropping another album! There is going to be a Pina Bausch production in Adelaide! Why is it happening in Adelaide? Who even goes to Adelaide.

Adelaide: 0 out of 10

The real winner from Drake's latest ridiculous feud? album? was Ms. Erykah "She ILL" Badu, because she covered/remixed this hit and it is Thoroughly grouse. Listen:



#thoroughlygrouse
I find that thing Soundcloud does with the comments as the song plays pretty entertaining tbh. My faves from just now: "wtf is this shit" "this is shit why can't you post the original song wtf" "iz lit" "no :-/"
The internet, what a discerning place!

The internet comments on this thoroughly grouse cover: 2/10

Possibly even better than the internet (jk, the internet is a precious and beautiful gift from the eLords) is this NEW Missy Misdemeanor Elliott song! Oh my god oh my gosh. I know, it is exciting, but don't get too excited, because at one point in the song Missy disappears and Pharrell, um, raps.
I myself now want a mirror ball hoodie, if only to prompt self-evaluation in others by providing startling glimpses of their disconnected image as I stroll past.

The new MSE song gets:
~14 Mirrors-To-The-World out of 10~

And finally, in the interest of once again reminding my readers that I'm a dweeby white dude, I have FINALLY gotten the latest Joanna Newsom album after some drama with a sketchy Australian record label delaying it for three weeks.

Joanna Newsom is a Harp Angel who uses words like "simulacreage, "obsolescence," and "the" in her literature novels lyrics. The carefully "arranged" songs are often longer than The Bus Ride to Sydney and very emotionally moving. Honestly, it's all a bit #wanky, and yet still #thoroughlygrouse. The album itself is quite good, with songs about Death, Time, Leaving Various Places, and War. But sometimes I'm listenin', toe-tappin', trying to make Shaman work in Hearthstonin', and I'm all "maybe Joanna needs to just cool it with the heavy prose and release an album of fun parody songs a la Weird Al Yankovic?" He seems pretty successful Jo. Give it a go! It can't be that fun to hang out in weird cloudscapes all the time, shrieking questions about how we choose our "form."

How indeed? "Divers" by JoNew gets Really Makes You Think out of 10.

It is nearly the end of the year, which means that the next post will probably be uninteresting list of my "AOTY"! and "FAVES LOL!"
I bet you all* can't wait for that!

*nobody