Bag Hurl RiRi

I don't really have a Rihanna story, and I'm still unsure if she's actually Good. I just reallyreally seem to enjoy a lot more of her discography than a normal person should. And now she's back in black for he eighth(!) album, "ANTI," looking like an extra from The Matrix. We can tell she's being a Serious Artist for this one because of the A3 "poem" included in the packaging, as well as all the sketchy "polaroids" of Rihanna staring at a wall with blindfolds on. Seriously, what is she trying to be???

Halfway through the very first track, the beat stops and she proclaims "Let me cover your shit in glitter, I can make it gold." It seems like pretty standard Rihanna fare, all haughts and crosses, but she dials up that accent and throws in some 90s trip hop beats and it almost sounds like a secret track on Massive Attack's Protection. I was pretty sold on the album at this point y'guys, even if it is just glitter-covered excrement.

What follows is arguably the first Rihanna album that you'd be better off listening to on your headphones rather than blasting through the living room while you fold your laundry. The songs are insular and domestic and not really "for the clubz." There is an inexplicable and pretty faithful Tame Impala cover and not one but three romantic/pornographic slow jams at the end. I'm a pretty big fan of the lead single 'Work," where she turns the title into a weird mantra that just devolves into gibberish.  Underneath it is a beat that never quite takes off- the tension of it works pretty well, I think. At one point Drake shows up, but he actually doesn't add a lot here. RIP Drake guest spots. Maybe now I can write a blog post without having to mention Drake.

The only real clunker is "Woo," a wannabe Portishead/Weeknd noise thing that goes nowhere and does nothing interesting. Does it also have the worst song title in pop history? Yes. And that's including "Laffy Taffy" by D4L. She also insists on employing those cheesy electric guitar wails, here heard in "Kiss It Better" and in the past all over "Rated R."

I gotta say, I find that Rihanna is an interesting lady. There's definitely a "no fucks given" vibe, but who can really tell how foreals it is? I feel like I want to hear her songs and laugh at all her throw-a-phone-in-the-air-off-a-yacht-to-shoot-it-out-of-the-sky personas, but if I go too far down the path of knowing Who She Really Is it will ruin everything. When Miranda July interviewed her, the most interesting story came out of her conversations with the driver there and back. Maybe that's why the album is called Anti- to care about what she has to say is kind of missing the point.

Standout tracks: Consideration, Work, Desperado, Yeah I Said It

ANTI BY RIHANNA GETS 7.5 CHOKERS OUT OF 10

On Choosing Our Form- How Is It Chosen?

Like every human in the universe*, I too love Drake's "Hotline Bling." But my gosh! It's a different world since I last wrote about Drizzy!
There's a new prime minister! Rihanna is finally dropping another album! There is going to be a Pina Bausch production in Adelaide! Why is it happening in Adelaide? Who even goes to Adelaide.

Adelaide: 0 out of 10

The real winner from Drake's latest ridiculous feud? album? was Ms. Erykah "She ILL" Badu, because she covered/remixed this hit and it is Thoroughly grouse. Listen:



#thoroughlygrouse
I find that thing Soundcloud does with the comments as the song plays pretty entertaining tbh. My faves from just now: "wtf is this shit" "this is shit why can't you post the original song wtf" "iz lit" "no :-/"
The internet, what a discerning place!

The internet comments on this thoroughly grouse cover: 2/10

Possibly even better than the internet (jk, the internet is a precious and beautiful gift from the eLords) is this NEW Missy Misdemeanor Elliott song! Oh my god oh my gosh. I know, it is exciting, but don't get too excited, because at one point in the song Missy disappears and Pharrell, um, raps.
I myself now want a mirror ball hoodie, if only to prompt self-evaluation in others by providing startling glimpses of their disconnected image as I stroll past.

The new MSE song gets:
~14 Mirrors-To-The-World out of 10~

And finally, in the interest of once again reminding my readers that I'm a dweeby white dude, I have FINALLY gotten the latest Joanna Newsom album after some drama with a sketchy Australian record label delaying it for three weeks.

Joanna Newsom is a Harp Angel who uses words like "simulacreage, "obsolescence," and "the" in her literature novels lyrics. The carefully "arranged" songs are often longer than The Bus Ride to Sydney and very emotionally moving. Honestly, it's all a bit #wanky, and yet still #thoroughlygrouse. The album itself is quite good, with songs about Death, Time, Leaving Various Places, and War. But sometimes I'm listenin', toe-tappin', trying to make Shaman work in Hearthstonin', and I'm all "maybe Joanna needs to just cool it with the heavy prose and release an album of fun parody songs a la Weird Al Yankovic?" He seems pretty successful Jo. Give it a go! It can't be that fun to hang out in weird cloudscapes all the time, shrieking questions about how we choose our "form."

How indeed? "Divers" by JoNew gets Really Makes You Think out of 10.

It is nearly the end of the year, which means that the next post will probably be uninteresting list of my "AOTY"! and "FAVES LOL!"
I bet you all* can't wait for that!

*nobody

See Dese CDs

Hi2u. It's me, Your Favourite Author. If I was a root vegetable, I'd be a commentatoe because I'm about to make some comments.

Did you know that I'm one of Those People that still purchases CDs? This will be a succint and well-structured thinkpiece about why, and The State of Music Consumption. It will include scathing criticism on Spotify and Apple Music, with carefully selected quotes from Lily Allen and Taylor Swift to both elucidate and enunciate my points.

JK LOL. (Just Kidding, Laugh Out Loud).

But yeah, I do still buy CDs. In fact, after recently binging at my Local Used Records Shop I came home to realise I accidentally now have two copies of Usher's "Confessions."

sorry raymond

"Tell 'em Snoop, Tell 'em like it is!" - Robyn

So I'll write what I always write about!: Thing I've been listening to and enjoying. This will be more useful to you, Deer Eater, than just another lump of text about why someone will only listen to FLAC or Original Pressed vinyl because they Have Respect For Artists are white and wealthy want to look like they give a shit.

Even the cover art is ambiguous- what is Miguel really saying?

Wildheart by Miguel. This guy is basically Prince. "Nobody can be Prince," said a pal after I told him so. I was like, w/e, it's an oversexed black guy singing in falsetto, they're a dime a dozen. This album is really good though, don't get me wrong. Of all the Prince Imposters out there, Miguel is possibly the bestest. There are songs on the album about sex, Los Angeles sex, flesh, and "Hollywood dreams." One of the songs was originally released as a single called "Coffee (Fucking)," which is incredible. For some reason, the (Fucking) got dropped off on the actual album, so it's now a bit more subtle that the song is about fucking. There is genuine ambiguity- is the song about coffee or sex? Especially in the outro, where he gently sings "Fucking in the morning." Classy! Buy it for your parents, they love coffee.

Wildheart by Miguel gets 8 Subtle Lukes out of 10.

Why Make Sense? by Hot Chip. I am including this not just because I really enjoy it, but also as a reminder that I am still a dweeby white guy. I bought this album, and I yeah I really love it, but g.d. if I can think of anything positive to write about it. I even just looked up some other reviews of it just now to help me find things to say, but they were all pretentious bullshit where the authors reflected on middle-age. I'm 19, so that isn't relevant to me or my life, okay?

What I DO want to comment on re: this album, is a song that pops up exactly halfway through. It's nice and slow and soulful, where Alexis Taylor sings about sweetness and romance for about 30 seconds. And then the chorus comes in: "You gave me white WINE and FRIED CHICKEN." Don't get me wrong, if a date involved KFC chips and a nice Sav Blanc I'd be like, "this is grouse," but I wouldn't rush home and write a smooth number about it. Or anything. I don't write music.

Why Make Sense? by Hot Chip gets 7 Non-Ruined Moods of 10.

Impersonator by Majical Cloudz. Bleak af. Makes me feel like shit, one of the songs opens with "Someone died," delicate, grey human misery put to audio. Ten Rothko Paintings Out of Ten.

They were too sad to even make it look nice

I was going to write something about the jamie xx album, because I Love It, but I am going to resist. I think I have been hypnotised by the video for Gosh. It is My Everything, and sometimes I light a candle in a shrine and watch it on repeat. If you haven't watched the video for Gosh, get about it ya dingus.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR TIME, miss u peace out. Buy CDs, they are still the least cool way of listening!

Colours of The Wind

As Grandmother Willow once said, "Listen with your heart, and you will understand." I'd like to think that what the "shady" (get it?) old lady/tree-spirit meant was, "turn it up really loud so that you can feel the bass reverberate in your chest cavity." Have you figured out what this post will be about?

I'm sure there is an intelligent discussion somewhere about how hip-hop has always(?) held status with "othered" cultural minorities, but this is not the blog for intelligent discussion. Have you read any of my other blog posts? I rest my case down on the table and set the air-conditioner to "cold." The case, it is cold. Let it go, #frozen.

To be honest (tbh) I have no claim to be any expert on hip-hop, because just like any other white chump* the only hip-hop I listen to regularly is Drake, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, and Missy Elliott. Sometimes I will play a Tyler the Creator album when I'm really angry/sad/in my regular state of being, because Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School. But, when I have enough wine inside of my nervous system, I CAN and WILL claim to be an expert on queerness. So, I'm 25% qualified to tell you, dear reader, about three really great queer hip-hop songs.

I will preface this by saying that Le1f, the arguable champion of queer hip-hop, is absent. Look, I get it, "Wut" is a catchy song and the video has ~sxc~ guys dancing in Pikachu masks, which is totally my bag, BUT I am just not A Fan. I saw him live once and it didn't even covert me. He has great hair though. I just don't like his mumbles. SORRY 'BOUT IT.



#1 of My Recommended QHH Trax:
WAVVY BY MYKKI BLANCO! Great job Mykki for making the cut I'm so I'm so I'm so proud of u.

I love Mykki, and this song has both copious drug references AND that weird spooky beat thing which seems to be trendy right now. 8 Spooky-Lukeys out of 10.

Also see: "Fuckin' The DJ," "Haze.Boogie.Life.," "Angggry Byrdz

#2. I Run This Club by Cakes Da Killa.

Cakes! What would your mum say if she knew you made my blog! :')

I am a sucker for something I can dance to, PLUS bonus points because almost blatant M.I.A. ripping. A lot of the comments on this video are like, "omg he's got dope rhymez even tho he is a straight-up homo." Don't these people know Who Run The World? Gays. Also, women. ~patriarchal life get out of the way~

Also 8 Cakes out of 10.

#3. House of Ladosha's "B/M/F."

It stands for black model famous! HoL where are u guys???

House of Ladosha were rockin' the femme beard look WAY before Conchita Wurst. I love this song. Where are they now? Idk. Bring Back House of Ladosha. I bought a t-shirt from them once and they included a thank-you note. Sometimes I stare out the window and I think I see House of Ladosha in the distance. But it's just the floaties in my eye. 

B/M/F gets 5 Blobs out of 10 (2 blobs docked for confusing medical eye phenomena)

I hope you, Dear Reader, enjoy these songs, and also maintain an awareness that House of Ladosha are literally M.I.A. and not Maya Arulpragasam. As you can hear, Queer Hip-Hop can kick ass, and fuck Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because these fools don't need some white sap to speak for them.

BYE.

*with taste

"Like The Legend of The Phoenix" - Pharrelliams Punk, 1986

It's time, you guys. Time for me to Release the Beast and write some bullshit about music I like again. Will Amy make a comeback too? IDK. I'm not her writing impulse and I can't and won't speak for it.

So, anyway. What brought me back to this here magic online space, this Cosmic Foxhole? Björk's Vulnicura aka vulni-CRYING slayed me, for Personal Reasons. The Panda Bear album was also totally grouse, and in 2013 I went nuts for that Andy Stott guy. But, none of them made me feel like I need to revisit the unfortunately-titled "blogspot" spot for blogs. I'm not going to lie, it was g.d. (god damn) Drake "Aubrey Drake" Drake that brought me back. I mean sure. Look dis.

hey gurl

Drake, Dra.k.a. Everyone's Favourite Rapper With Feelings, is pretty maligned I think. Since last posting on this blog (4 years ago!, "oh my god/oh my gosh" - Missy Elliot Quote) I have actually Gotten A Real Job working with The Youth. Did you know The Youth think Drake is lame? They're like "Oh, I'm not into that YOLO HASHTAG SWAG b.s." And I'm like "Excuse me, are we talking about the same doe-eyed sadman? The same guy who made an emotional slow-jam featuring Stevie Wonder???" But, they don't know who that is, or think I'm not being Serious and Sincere, and anyway they're not about to take music suggestions from some old* guy. Fair enough.

Anyway. Drake just opened his boisterous/tender gullet wide and out plopped some brooding "collection" of music which I promptly BuyTunes'd. It is called "If You're Reading This It's Too Late," which is pretty heavy and a total clue as to how happy and carefree the music is. I'm being a liar! For comic effect!! In reality, the album is a dense, slow-burning, Leather-scented candle of pain. On "Energy," the second track on the album, he raps about how a girl wants the password for his wi-fi so she can show him people she "isn't really" friends with on her Facebook timeline. A stunning and insightful comment about popular film "The Social Network," and, I'd like to think, Society. Apparently he has also made some short film or something but I am too busy and important to watch it. The album is great though. My favourite song is possibly "Madonna" because of the way Drake "Drake" Drake mumbles unintelligibly before shouting that I could be big as Madonna, a popular songstress/religious icon. 9 Lukes out of 10.

Next time on The Cosmic Foxhole: I have no idea.

*Dear Youth: I don't like it when you say "Oh I thought you were in your thirties!" when I tell you how old I am.

Twenny Legz pt. Deux!

Kay so I tried to make my list a tad different to Luke's just so they're not all the same tracks. Even tho it was a bit of a slack year music-wise, there's some good'uns in here, so enjoy!

Great job, 2011!

25. Oliver Tank – Last Night I Heard Everything in Slow Motion

24. Gotye – Eyes Wide Open

23. Azealia Banks - 212

22. Memory Tapes – Today is our Life

21. M83 – Midnight City

20. Clams Casino – I’m God

19. Beirut – Santa Fe

18. Deerhoof – The Merry Barracks

17. The Weeknd – Wicked Games

16. Lana Del Rey – Video Games

15. Stolen Thong – Burial vs Sisqo

14. Ghoul – Good Loops

13. Panda Bear – Surfer’s Hymn

12. The Throne – Niggas in Paris

11. Gang Gang Dance - Mindkilla

10. The Middle East – Land of the Bloody Unknown

While everyone was busy kissing Bon Iver’s (presumably) hairy buttocks all year, we had a perfectly amazing soft-rock/folk band here in Aus that occasionally shits all over that guy. Their album this year didn’t hit as hard as I thought it would, and the show I saw them do here in town was decidedly average (THEY DIDN’T PLAY BLOOD??!). But they’re still far and away the best thing this shit hole of a town has ever produced. Miss u Middle East :’(

9. Architecture in Helsinki – I Know Deep Down

If push came to shove, these dudes are my fave Australian band. My favourite chorus on an album full of amazingly satisfying hooks.

8. Wavves – Bug

Luv u ~~~wavvy bro~~~ I like this song a lot because I know a lot of people who fit the description of the titular ‘Bug’ in this song i.e. dickheads

7. Tyler, the Creator – Yonkers

Oh man, remember February/March ’11?? I was OBSESSED with Tyler, as was much of the hipster internet sphere. By the time Goblin came out I was decidedly tired of the whole schtick, especially the gay slurs/women hating etc. Anyway, I still adore this song. The beat is immense, the lyrics are pretty great and it still sounds so exciting to me.

6. Frank Ocean – Richest Man in the Room

Although my love affair with Odd Future may have waned to the point of being non-existent, I still have a major, MAJOR girl boner for Frank Ocean. R&B was pretty much my jam all year, and this dude has been my most constant source all throughout 2011. Luke stole the song that I liked the most of his, but this is a close runner up anyway.

5. Wild Flag – Future Crimes

Maybe it helps that I have a crush on pretty much everyone in Wild Flag, but this is one of my fave releases of this year. I miss Sleater-Kinney so much, especially because I didn’t listen to them at the height of their fame/success. I guess this is the closest I’ll ever get to a revival, at least for a few years :(

4. Battles – Ice Cream

This song is so insanely funky. It’s hard to dance to and I look like a bit of a spaz when I attempt to but i CAN’T. STOP. Battles fucking rule.

3. Drake – Dreams Money Can Buy

Why this wasn’t on Take Care is just so far beyond me… I don’t even. This is close to Drake’s best song and he didn’t think it was good enough to be on his new album?? What a stupid CUNT. Anyways, I know this entire song off by heart, and will gladly recite it to you upon request. So many good lines, from the first ‘don’t fuck with me’ onwards. So much luv.

2. The Rapture – How Deep is Your Love?

I remember when this song first came out I was saying TRACK OF THE YURR and creaming all over the place. I have calmed down since, but only slightly. The Rapture have always been a SORT OF OKAY band, but they just hit this song so far out of the park it’s crazy. They may have ripped off Sisqo in the process (let me see/hear that thoooooong/soooooooong) but if you’re gonna rip off someone it might as well be him.

1. Burial, Four Tet & Thom Yorke - Ego

Burial, Thom Yorke & Four Tet. About to fuck some shit up.

I almost forgot about this song, but it is so brilliant it HAS to be my top song of the year. Burial and Four Tet’s beat is dope as hell and Thom Yorke is excellent here at doing that thing that Thom Yorke does. The lyrics are also brilliant and the whole production/vocal delivery has an air of cynicism and sarcasm and paranoia and that’s mostly why it’s my fave song of the year. I can sooOoOooOO relate. That and I have never/will never dislike anything Burial does I am such a pathetic fangirl.

Twenny Legz

Oh hi, blog. I did not hit her, etc. It's been a while. I guess 2011, to me, has been kind of average, music-wise. There's been lots of anticipation for big-name releases (Radiohead! Panda Bear! Death Cab! Drake!) all of which have been kind of.. I don't know. Nothing from this year has really had staying power, for me.
Having said that though, I found myself halfway through the list of tracks for voting in Triple J's Hottest 100 and saw that I had over 20 songs shortlisted (for a possible 10 to vote for). So, maybe there have been some killer tracks this year at least.
Here are my "top 25" I suppose! Relevant (p.s. read Natalie Dee, it is a great thing to read):



25. Limit To Your Love by James Blake.
24. Reach a Bit Further by Wild Beasts
23. The Words That Maketh Murder by PJ Harvey
22. Wake Me When It's Over by Terius Nash (The-Dream)
21. No Church in The Wild by The Throne ft. Frank Ocean
20. The Bay by Metronomy.
19. Nightcall by Kavinsky and Lovefoxxx
18. You Da One by Rihanna
17. City Grrl by C.S.S.
16. Countdown by Beyonce
15. Stolen Thong, a mashup of Stolen Dog by Burial and Thong Song by Sisqo
14. Far Nearer by Jamie xx
13. Time of My Life by Patrick Wolf
12. How Deep Is Your Love? by The Rapture
11. Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna

10. Contact High by Architecture in Helsinki.
Pop song brilliance etc. Probably the greatest pop chorus I've heard in a long time.

09. The Morning by The Weeknd.
This is my favourite Weeknd song. (Someone pointed out to me that perhaps it is pronounced "ween'd" as in a silent k and now I can't get that out of my head.) Anyway. The Morning is smooth as hell and catchy and makes you feel cool. It makes you feel good about being hungover, if you ever are.

08. Rano Pano by Mogwai.
Big. The best tune on their pretty good album from this year.

07. Nasty by Spank Rock ft. Big Freedia.
Big Freedia is part of some underground gay dance/hip hop trend thing which I don't know about but is amazing. This is like everything a Spank Rock song needs to be. Perfect beats and dirty lyrics.

06. Alsatian Darn by Panda Bear.
FEELINGS. Also, I am an insatiable Panda Bear fanboiiii

05. Midnight City by M83.
Saxophone solo. Nothing to fault here. Would probably get the top spot if there weren't other songs I personally like more. Har har har.


04. 212 by Azealia Banks.
Insanely good. Did I mention that the white guy can get it? I heard a radio edit of this song and it was pretty atrocious. Like. Okay I get that there is swearing in it but censorship of this song is useless just play the C Word All Round The World.


03. Only Girl (In The World) by Xiu Xiu.
I don't have anything to say here. Have you heard it? I should mention that tracks with some sort of Rihanna association have shown up in my list no less than 3 times. Great job, Rihanna!


02. It's Real by Real Estate.
It's alllll in that otherworldly "Oh~~~."


01. Thinking About You by Frank Ocean.
This song is incredible. Frank Ocean & his album are incredible. This song pretty much sums up my taste in music for the year, and it's great, so it's #1 on my list. Congratulations Frank Ocean ya dingus.