Friday, November 13, 2015

On Choosing Our Form- How Is It Chosen?

Like every human in the universe*, I too love Drake's "Hotline Bling." But my gosh! It's a different world since I last wrote about Drizzy!
There's a new prime minister! Rihanna is finally dropping another album! There is going to be a Pina Bausch production in Adelaide! Why is it happening in Adelaide? Who even goes to Adelaide.

Adelaide: 0 out of 10

The real winner from Drake's latest ridiculous feud? album? was Ms. Erykah "She ILL" Badu, because she covered/remixed this hit and it is Thoroughly grouse. Listen:

I find that thing Soundcloud does with the comments as the song plays pretty entertaining tbh. My faves from just now: "wtf is this shit" "this is shit why can't you post the original song wtf" "iz lit" "no :-/"
The internet, what a discerning place!

The internet comments on this thoroughly grouse cover: 2/10

Possibly even better than the internet (jk, the internet is a precious and beautiful gift from the eLords) is this NEW Missy Misdemeanor Elliott song! Oh my god oh my gosh. I know, it is exciting, but don't get too excited, because at one point in the song Missy disappears and Pharrell, um, raps.
I myself now want a mirror ball hoodie, if only to prompt self-evaluation in others by providing startling glimpses of their disconnected image as I stroll past.

The new MSE song gets:
~14 Mirrors-To-The-World out of 10~

And finally, in the interest of once again reminding my readers that I'm a dweeby white dude, I have FINALLY gotten the latest Joanna Newsom album after some drama with a sketchy Australian record label delaying it for three weeks.

Joanna Newsom is a Harp Angel who uses words like "simulacreage, "obsolescence," and "the" in her literature novels lyrics. The carefully "arranged" songs are often longer than The Bus Ride to Sydney and very emotionally moving. Honestly, it's all a bit #wanky, and yet still #thoroughlygrouse. The album itself is quite good, with songs about Death, Time, Leaving Various Places, and War. But sometimes I'm listenin', toe-tappin', trying to make Shaman work in Hearthstonin', and I'm all "maybe Joanna needs to just cool it with the heavy prose and release an album of fun parody songs a la Weird Al Yankovic?" He seems pretty successful Jo. Give it a go! It can't be that fun to hang out in weird cloudscapes all the time, shrieking questions about how we choose our "form."

How indeed? "Divers" by JoNew gets Really Makes You Think out of 10.

It is nearly the end of the year, which means that the next post will probably be uninteresting list of my "AOTY"! and "FAVES LOL!"
I bet you all* can't wait for that!


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

See Dese CDs

Hi2u. It's me, Your Favourite Author. If I was a root vegetable, I'd be a commentatoe because I'm about to make some comments.

Did you know that I'm one of Those People that still purchases CDs? This will be a succint and well-structured thinkpiece about why, and The State of Music Consumption. It will include scathing criticism on Spotify and Apple Music, with carefully selected quotes from Lily Allen and Taylor Swift to both elucidate and enunciate my points.

JK LOL. (Just Kidding, Laugh Out Loud).

But yeah, I do still buy CDs. In fact, after recently binging at my Local Used Records Shop I came home to realise I accidentally now have two copies of Usher's "Confessions."

sorry raymond

"Tell 'em Snoop, Tell 'em like it is!" - Robyn

So I'll write what I always write about!: Thing I've been listening to and enjoying. This will be more useful to you, Deer Eater, than just another lump of text about why someone will only listen to FLAC or Original Pressed vinyl because they Have Respect For Artists are white and wealthy want to look like they give a shit.

Even the cover art is ambiguous- what is Miguel really saying?
Wildheart by Miguel. This guy is basically Prince. "Nobody can be Prince," said a pal after I told him so. I was like, w/e, it's an oversexed black guy singing in falsetto, they're a dime a dozen. This album is really good though, don't get me wrong. Of all the Prince Imposters out there, Miguel is possibly the bestest. There are songs on the album about sex, Los Angeles sex, flesh, and "Hollywood dreams." One of the songs was originally released as a single called "Coffee (Fucking)," which is incredible. For some reason, the (Fucking) got dropped off on the actual album, so it's now a bit more subtle that the song is about fucking. There is genuine ambiguity- is the song about coffee or sex? Especially in the outro, where he gently sings "Fucking in the morning." Classy! Buy it for your parents, they love coffee.

Wildheart by Miguel gets 8 Subtle Lukes out of 10.

Why Make Sense? by Hot Chip. I am including this not just because I really enjoy it, but also as a reminder that I am still a dweeby white guy. I bought this album, and I yeah I really love it, but g.d. if I can think of anything positive to write about it. I even just looked up some other reviews of it just now to help me find things to say, but they were all pretentious bullshit where the authors reflected on middle-age. I'm 19, so that isn't relevant to me or my life, okay?

What I DO want to comment on re: this album, is a song that pops up exactly halfway through. It's nice and slow and soulful, where Alexis Taylor sings about sweetness and romance for about 30 seconds. And then the chorus comes in: "You gave me white WINE and FRIED CHICKEN." Don't get me wrong, if a date involved KFC chips and a nice Sav Blanc I'd be like, "this is grouse," but I wouldn't rush home and write a smooth number about it. Or anything. I don't write music.

Why Make Sense? by Hot Chip gets 7 Non-Ruined Moods of 10.

Impersonator by Majical Cloudz. Bleak af. Makes me feel like shit, one of the songs opens with "Someone died," delicate, grey human misery put to audio. Ten Rothko Paintings Out of Ten.

They were too sad to even make it look nice

I was going to write something about the jamie xx album, because I Love It, but I am going to resist. I think I have been hypnotised by the video for Gosh. It is My Everything, and sometimes I light a candle in a shrine and watch it on repeat. If you haven't watched the video for Gosh, get about it ya dingus.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR TIME, miss u peace out. Buy CDs, they are still the least cool way of listening!

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Colours of The Wind

As Grandmother Willow once said, "Listen with your heart, and you will understand." I'd like to think that what the "shady" (get it?) old lady/tree-spirit meant was, "turn it up really loud so that you can feel the bass reverberate in your chest cavity." Have you figured out what this post will be about?

I'm sure there is an intelligent discussion somewhere about how hip-hop has always(?) held status with "othered" cultural minorities, but this is not the blog for intelligent discussion. Have you read any of my other blog posts? I rest my case down on the table and set the air-conditioner to "cold." The case, it is cold. Let it go, #frozen.

To be honest (tbh) I have no claim to be any expert on hip-hop, because just like any other white chump* the only hip-hop I listen to regularly is Drake, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, and Missy Elliott. Sometimes I will play a Tyler the Creator album when I'm really angry/sad/in my regular state of being, because Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School. But, when I have enough wine inside of my nervous system, I CAN and WILL claim to be an expert on queerness. So, I'm 25% qualified to tell you, dear reader, about three really great queer hip-hop songs.

I will preface this by saying that Le1f, the arguable champion of queer hip-hop, is absent. Look, I get it, "Wut" is a catchy song and the video has ~sxc~ guys dancing in Pikachu masks, which is totally my bag, BUT I am just not A Fan. I saw him live once and it didn't even covert me. He has great hair though. I just don't like his mumbles. SORRY 'BOUT IT.

#1 of My Recommended QHH Trax:
WAVVY BY MYKKI BLANCO! Great job Mykki for making the cut I'm so I'm so I'm so proud of u.

I love Mykki, and this song has both copious drug references AND that weird spooky beat thing which seems to be trendy right now. 8 Spooky-Lukeys out of 10.
Also see: "Fuckin' The DJ," "Haze.Boogie.Life.," "Angggry Byrdz

#2. I Run This Club by Cakes Da Killa.
Cakes! What would your mum say if she knew you made my blog! :')

I am a sucker for something I can dance to, PLUS bonus points because almost blatant M.I.A. ripping. A lot of the comments on this video are like, "omg he's got dope rhymez even tho he is a straight-up homo." Don't these people know Who Run The World? Gays. Also, women. ~patriarchal life get out of the way~
Also 8 Cakes out of 10.

#3. House of Ladosha's "B/M/F."
It stands for black model famous! HoL where are u guys???

House of Ladosha were rockin' the femme beard look WAY before Conchita Wurst. I love this song. Where are they now? Idk. Bring Back House of Ladosha. I bought a t-shirt from them once and they included a thank-you note. Sometimes I stare out the window and I think I see House of Ladosha in the distance. But it's just the floaties in my eye. 
B/M/F gets 5 Blobs out of 10 (2 blobs docked for confusing medical eye phenomena)

I hope you, Dear Reader, enjoy these songs, and also maintain an awareness that House of Ladosha are literally M.I.A. and not Maya Arulpragasam. As you can hear, Queer Hip-Hop can kick ass, and fuck Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because these fools don't need some white sap to speak for them.


*with taste

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

"Like The Legend of The Phoenix" - Pharrelliams Punk, 1986

It's time, you guys. Time for me to Release the Beast and write some bullshit about music I like again. Will Amy make a comeback too? IDK. I'm not her writing impulse and I can't and won't speak for it.

So, anyway. What brought me back to this here magic online space, this Cosmic Foxhole? Björk's Vulnicura aka vulni-CRYING slayed me, for Personal Reasons. The Panda Bear album was also totally grouse, and in 2013 I went nuts for that Andy Stott guy. But, none of them made me feel like I need to revisit the unfortunately-titled "blogspot" spot for blogs. I'm not going to lie, it was g.d. (god damn) Drake "Aubrey Drake" Drake that brought me back. I mean sure. Look dis.
hey gurl
Drake, Dra.k.a. Everyone's Favourite Rapper With Feelings, is pretty maligned I think. Since last posting on this blog (4 years ago!, "oh my god/oh my gosh" - Missy Elliot Quote) I have actually Gotten A Real Job working with The Youth. Did you know The Youth think Drake is lame? They're like "Oh, I'm not into that YOLO HASHTAG SWAG b.s." And I'm like "Excuse me, are we talking about the same doe-eyed sadman? The same guy who made an emotional slow-jam featuring Stevie Wonder???" But, they don't know who that is, or think I'm not being Serious and Sincere, and anyway they're not about to take music suggestions from some old* guy. Fair enough.

Anyway. Drake just opened his boisterous/tender gullet wide and out plopped some brooding "collection" of music which I promptly BuyTunes'd. It is called "If You're Reading This It's Too Late," which is pretty heavy and a total clue as to how happy and carefree the music is. I'm being a liar! For comic effect!! In reality, the album is a dense, slow-burning, Leather-scented candle of pain. On "Energy," the second track on the album, he raps about how a girl wants the password for his wi-fi so she can show him people she "isn't really" friends with on her Facebook timeline. A stunning and insightful comment about popular film "The Social Network," and, I'd like to think, Society. Apparently he has also made some short film or something but I am too busy and important to watch it. The album is great though. My favourite song is possibly "Madonna" because of the way Drake "Drake" Drake mumbles unintelligibly before shouting that I could be big as Madonna, a popular songstress/religious icon. 9 Lukes out of 10.

Next time on The Cosmic Foxhole: I have no idea.

*Dear Youth: I don't like it when you say "Oh I thought you were in your thirties!" when I tell you how old I am.